An adorable sister-in-law to make the daily commute much more enjoyable (and give me hugs)
The best little brother in the world (particularly today because he gave me and my friends free tickets to a show and then went to the hassel of changing them when the guy we're going to see wasn't doing the show we originally reserved tickets for).
Public Transportation so I don't have to drive when I'm half asleep...and I don't have to pay for gas or parking
A nice place to live: warm, safe, dry, comfortable
Former co-workers who remain friends and are always so happy to see me when I visit -- Double E, Zigster, DisneyKid, V, The Man, Shai
The Artist, Shygirl, Bestest Friend, Em -- and other dear friends (long-time and new additions)
The opportunity to go to school
My car and money to make my payment (at least for this month, I'm not sure where I'll get the money next month if I can't find a job...but it'll be there when I need it).
Forgiveness (given and received)
Bones (even though season 4 still hasn't come yet)
MUSIC!!! Sister Hazel, Matt Nathanson, Savage Garden, Colbie Caillat, Josh Groban, Michael Buble, Avril Lavigne, Wilson Phillips...
My computer
Green turn arrows
Clean clothes
Albertson's brand Cranberry Juice & Butter Braided Twists Pretzles (I know I'm silly, but really, I would miss them so much if they went away)
Experience
11 January 2010
10 January 2010
Experience Something New
Well, we went to the Monster Truck show. Neither of us had ever been and he didn't even tell me where we were going until we were in the car on the way there. It's generally not my idea of fun, but I decided that since I was in it, I might as well make the best of it. So, psyched myself up for it and ended up having fun. Life is, after all, what you make of it. I don't know if he had fun or not. I'm not really sure why he asked me in the first place or if he regrets that choice. I don't know. For me, it was an interesting and hope-inspiring initiation back into the dating world. I discovered that no matter what I find myself in the middle of, I have the power to enjoy myself. I also found out that I really like surprises and I trying new things. I always said I did but now I know it's true.
My date was an interesting fellow, intriguing character study if nothing else. I don't know that we would mesh well as anything beyond friends though. So, I'll chock it up to experience and move forward. Life is strange...and so am I. Someday someone will love all of my quirks and oddities. Until then I have friends and family...and school to keep me occupied. Fun times!
My date was an interesting fellow, intriguing character study if nothing else. I don't know that we would mesh well as anything beyond friends though. So, I'll chock it up to experience and move forward. Life is strange...and so am I. Someday someone will love all of my quirks and oddities. Until then I have friends and family...and school to keep me occupied. Fun times!
08 January 2010
Friday!
Made it through the first week of school! Very excited to have a couple days off. I have some homework but it's not too bad, mainly reading.
I hung out with Bestest Friend for most of the afternoon and evening...I've missed her so much. We did laundry and went grocery shopping. I don't care what we do, I just love being with her. We talked about life and relationships and everything. I hope it's not another month before we get to spend time together again.
I'm so grateful to have so many other friends, old and new, to count on. There's just something about having someone who has known you for more than half of your life. It's comforting to know that someone really knows you, everything about you, and loves you anyway. I'm so grateful for Bestest Friend! She brought me an adorable little stuffed koala bear from Australia :-) He's holding an Australian flag, so cute! I love it!
Tomorrow I'm going to see a movie with friends and then I have a date...it's been a while and I'm a little nervous. But I guess it's a good sign that he asked me out, right? I'll just have fun and make a new friend...it's good!
So far, I like 2010!
I hung out with Bestest Friend for most of the afternoon and evening...I've missed her so much. We did laundry and went grocery shopping. I don't care what we do, I just love being with her. We talked about life and relationships and everything. I hope it's not another month before we get to spend time together again.
I'm so grateful to have so many other friends, old and new, to count on. There's just something about having someone who has known you for more than half of your life. It's comforting to know that someone really knows you, everything about you, and loves you anyway. I'm so grateful for Bestest Friend! She brought me an adorable little stuffed koala bear from Australia :-) He's holding an Australian flag, so cute! I love it!
Tomorrow I'm going to see a movie with friends and then I have a date...it's been a while and I'm a little nervous. But I guess it's a good sign that he asked me out, right? I'll just have fun and make a new friend...it's good!
So far, I like 2010!
07 January 2010
Marvelous Day!
I love my Tuesday/Thursday classes
Came to terms with things...and let go...
Shaved my legs
The Man's becoming a dear friend once again :-)
Went to the temple with Shygirl
Made a tasty dinner
Chilled at home alone
Talked with Bestest Friend on the phone! She's almost home!
Got asked on a DATE for Saturday night!
Life is definitely getting better...things are finally looking up!
Came to terms with things...and let go...
Shaved my legs
The Man's becoming a dear friend once again :-)
Went to the temple with Shygirl
Made a tasty dinner
Chilled at home alone
Talked with Bestest Friend on the phone! She's almost home!
Got asked on a DATE for Saturday night!
Life is definitely getting better...things are finally looking up!
In the Right Place
I don't understand the process of my life. I don't understand the timing or what my experiences are good for. But I know there's a bigger picture. I can't see it now, but it's there. Right now, my life is what it needs to be. I'm in the right place at Weber. The classes I'm taking, the teachers I have (most of them anyway) are what I need right now to help me progress and move to the next phase of life. They also help me make sense of the past.
One of my classes this semester for my minor in Family Studies is Marriage as an Interpersonal Process. The lesson today was about Core Needs and Fears. I can't explain how much perspective it gave me on my relationship with Bobpi. It's like so many of the things that I've been struggling with understanding finally settled during this class.
My perspective was foggy and I couldn't find anyone to explain things to me in a way that would make it clear. I knew we had communication problems: I have a tendency to come off as being critical/critisizing, and he just doesn't talk, he avoids. Another problem we had was that neither of us knew or understood each others core needs and fears. We didn't have any real sense of a common goal or purpose. The relationship was necessary on an individual basis but it would never have worked as an eternal companionship.
I have been beating myself up, thinking if I had done this or that differently, if I'd been myself or if I'd just tried harder then we would have worked out. I've been talking circles in my mind at Bobpi, accusing him and seeking understanding of his perspective (which, of course is pointless since he's not in my mind so he can't respond).
The point that I'm trying to make is that I see now that he and I were never meant to marry. It would not have been the right pairing. I let go of the idea of he and I as a marriage possibility when he started dating his current girlfriend, I haven't wanted him back in that way. But I needed to make sense of WHY he and I were not meant to be. That's just how I am, I need to make sense of things and find answers and not leave things unresolved. I need closure. Now I have it. I've been able to see how our personalities conflict, how our goals and motivations are very different. I have been able to come to terms with the concept that loving someone doesn't mean they have to be a constant focused and active part of your life.
He's not what I wanted in a boyfriend or in a friend. He has very different ideas and practices than I do and one thing I learned today is that THAT'S OK! I have very strong ideals and perspectives and opinions and it isn't fair of me to judge others or hold them accountable to my standards. I do wish he had been more honest and up front with me, I think that's a universal truth, "honesty is the best policy" (it's cliche' for a reason). But I forgive his shortcomings and weaknesses as I hope he forgives mine (for I know mine are many).
I hope one day we're able to be active friends again because I do miss certain aspects of being in contact with him (particularly Greek food and TV discussion -- we mesh really well on those two factors). But there's nothing I can do about it now and I'm good with that. I've done all I can to work things out and now I'm settled. I'm a little slow sometimes but I always come around to figuring things out. I no longer have any regrets where Bobpi is concerned. Things went the way they did and they will continue to go as they should. I'm grateful for what I gained because of his influence in my life. I am grateful that life changes and gives us new opportunities. Nothing is set in stone. Nothing temporal is eternal and that gives me hope for better interactions in the future.
So, one of my big goals for this year is to focus on positive communication in all my relationships. I will work on celebrating, appreciating and respecting instead of criticizing.
Class today gave me a better perspective of things. I'm glad I'm single right now because I have a couple things I need to work on and resolve before I'm able to be the kind of girlfriend I want to be. I'm progressing and I'm on the verge of a good place. I just have a few more steps until I'm there. My feet aren't quite on solid and level ground at the moment. I'm working on cultivating myself into the best I can be so I can be what my future husband deserves in a wife.
I'm in the right place to lead me to the best place. Life is a process, so I know that I will always have things to learn and qualities to adjust and improve. I am grateful for that. Life would get pretty boring if I were perfect. But I would like to be a little closer to perfect than I am right now ;-)
One of my classes this semester for my minor in Family Studies is Marriage as an Interpersonal Process. The lesson today was about Core Needs and Fears. I can't explain how much perspective it gave me on my relationship with Bobpi. It's like so many of the things that I've been struggling with understanding finally settled during this class.
My perspective was foggy and I couldn't find anyone to explain things to me in a way that would make it clear. I knew we had communication problems: I have a tendency to come off as being critical/critisizing, and he just doesn't talk, he avoids. Another problem we had was that neither of us knew or understood each others core needs and fears. We didn't have any real sense of a common goal or purpose. The relationship was necessary on an individual basis but it would never have worked as an eternal companionship.
I have been beating myself up, thinking if I had done this or that differently, if I'd been myself or if I'd just tried harder then we would have worked out. I've been talking circles in my mind at Bobpi, accusing him and seeking understanding of his perspective (which, of course is pointless since he's not in my mind so he can't respond).
The point that I'm trying to make is that I see now that he and I were never meant to marry. It would not have been the right pairing. I let go of the idea of he and I as a marriage possibility when he started dating his current girlfriend, I haven't wanted him back in that way. But I needed to make sense of WHY he and I were not meant to be. That's just how I am, I need to make sense of things and find answers and not leave things unresolved. I need closure. Now I have it. I've been able to see how our personalities conflict, how our goals and motivations are very different. I have been able to come to terms with the concept that loving someone doesn't mean they have to be a constant focused and active part of your life.
He's not what I wanted in a boyfriend or in a friend. He has very different ideas and practices than I do and one thing I learned today is that THAT'S OK! I have very strong ideals and perspectives and opinions and it isn't fair of me to judge others or hold them accountable to my standards. I do wish he had been more honest and up front with me, I think that's a universal truth, "honesty is the best policy" (it's cliche' for a reason). But I forgive his shortcomings and weaknesses as I hope he forgives mine (for I know mine are many).
I hope one day we're able to be active friends again because I do miss certain aspects of being in contact with him (particularly Greek food and TV discussion -- we mesh really well on those two factors). But there's nothing I can do about it now and I'm good with that. I've done all I can to work things out and now I'm settled. I'm a little slow sometimes but I always come around to figuring things out. I no longer have any regrets where Bobpi is concerned. Things went the way they did and they will continue to go as they should. I'm grateful for what I gained because of his influence in my life. I am grateful that life changes and gives us new opportunities. Nothing is set in stone. Nothing temporal is eternal and that gives me hope for better interactions in the future.
So, one of my big goals for this year is to focus on positive communication in all my relationships. I will work on celebrating, appreciating and respecting instead of criticizing.
Class today gave me a better perspective of things. I'm glad I'm single right now because I have a couple things I need to work on and resolve before I'm able to be the kind of girlfriend I want to be. I'm progressing and I'm on the verge of a good place. I just have a few more steps until I'm there. My feet aren't quite on solid and level ground at the moment. I'm working on cultivating myself into the best I can be so I can be what my future husband deserves in a wife.
I'm in the right place to lead me to the best place. Life is a process, so I know that I will always have things to learn and qualities to adjust and improve. I am grateful for that. Life would get pretty boring if I were perfect. But I would like to be a little closer to perfect than I am right now ;-)
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