Eat Pray Love

Yesterday was not the greatest day. I just felt really depressed and out of place. I had invitations to hang out with friends who I adore, but it just didn't feel like the best idea. I needed to be with someone who knew me before...the thought came to call an old friend but I hesitated, deciding instead to take myself to a movie. But when Misselicious started texting me about Em's bridal shower, I took the hint (she was the one I'd been thinking of) and asked if she wanted to go to dinner and a movie.

The movie Eat Pray Love had been on my mind all day so that was the one I wanted to see. The showings, however, were not cooperating with my time frame so we decided on meeting half-way between us at Thanksgiving Point and seeing Salt instead. We met up and went to the cafe for dinner then went to buy our tickets for Salt but the showing wasn't listed. So we bought tickets for the 9:45pm showing of Eat Pray Love and wandered around for two hours.

It's funny that things worked out exactly as they needed to. Spending time with my Misselicious always makes me feel better. She knows me better than most because she's been with me through most of the last 7 years. She is one of those friends who it doesn't matter how long it's been since the last time we talked, we just pick right back up where we left off and it's as though no time has passed at all. She knows me and therefore I feel free to be completely myself with her. She brings out the best in me and reminds me that it's okay to relax and have fun and just be myself.

I'd forgotten who "myself" was and that's why she was the one I needed last night.
And Eat Pray Love was the movie I needed to see. I related to the Julia Roberts character like you wouldn't believe. So much of what she learned throughout the movie are things that I need to learn. I need to meet people like the ones she met to help me work through my wounds and darkness and get to a place of balance and health. Where can I find such people? People who have been through similar things so they really understand the process of getting back. Where do I find people who don't ignore but instead make me talk and work through all that I've been avoiding? Where do I find people who won't give up on me and who refuse to allow me to give up on myself? Where do I find people who can teach me to live and love and enjoy life again? I want people of depth and sincerity and intelligence...and hearts that are open and giving so I can learn to be that way too.

And I really, really, REALLY want to go to Italy! I know that living in Utah, it's so much more practical to learn Spanish for my foreign language credit...but how I long to learn Italian! Oh! It's really just the most beautiful and delicious language I've ever heard.

Anyone know an attractive Italian currently living in Utah who wants to teach me to speak his language? Sigh

Anyway, back to the point of this post. I'm getting better. I can see the progress I've made and that I am making. I'm in school and I'm working toward bettering my situation. I'm working on healing and finding myself. I'm working on loving and opening myself up to believing in what I've lost and forgotten. I'm getting there.

One thing I've learned recently is to be open to learning whatever others have to teach. It's best to go into an interaction with another person with the desire to learn what they have to teach you instead of what you think you need to learn. That's one thing I understand from my recent interactions with BLJ. He can't teach me what I think I want to learn from him, he can't help me in the way I want to be helped, but he can teach me other things that I need to learn. He can't (or just won't) help me heal or find myself, but he can teach me and help me with my resume and my job search. So I'll work toward being humble and listen to and accept what he has to give me. And I'll try to be open to finding the rest of what I need in other ways or through other people (such as my school classes or friends).

I'm doing better. I'm progressing.