where's the light

it shouldn't be this hard. this isn't the way it should be at all.  i can 't figure out how to change it.  every attempt i've made in the last 10 years to make things better, to get me closer to who and what and where i want to be has only pushed me down and held me back.  i was supposed to be aware of making good decisions...they seemed right at the time but now it seems like every decision i've ever made has been wrong.  i'm so tired of living the wrong life, of being the wrong person.  it's like i'm stuck in a nightmare where i'm trapped in someone else's body and life. how do i get out? how do i find myself and my life? i just can't do this much longer.  i just don't know what to do.