I wish I could see into the future. I'm somewhat discontented with this particular moment. I'm trying to be happy, trying to look for the good and be grateful for the progress I'm making, but I can't seem to focus on the moment. I keep remembering (and regretting) the past, and I keep worrying about the future, all at the expense of the moment. I'm trying to forgive and forget where I've been. I'm trying to have hope that better things will come. I'm trying to work to accomplish what I want my life to be, but the things I want most aren't up to me. So I try to change what I want, but no matter how hard I try, the same daydreams sneak back in.
Sometimes I glimpse it, just for a moment. Then in that moment it's easy to believe. But when the moment's gone, the belief, the hope, is more difficult to sustain. And the further the moment drifts away, the more impossible it all seems.
What more do I have to do? Where is the right path? How do I find the way to where I need to be in order to fulfill my deepest dream? And what is taking so very long?
I know I got distracted for a while. I didn't really have a clear understanding of where I was going or how to get there. I still don't know, obviously, or I wouldn't be asking these questions. Maybe I just think too much and act too little.
I'm tired. The world feels too big right now. I feel lost and insignificant. But I don't need to be important to everyone, only one someone. I just wish I knew where to find him. I've been searching for so long, and it's getting more difficult to believe he's even out there. I'm trying to believe that each heartbreak leads me a step closer to the one who will more than make up for all the losses, but it feels more like each heartbreak just leaves me a little more broken instead.
But no matter how hopeless it seems, I can't give up, so I'll keep on tryin'
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