maybe someday i can stop freaking out over ridiculous things. maybe someday i can be confident and secure in myself. maybe someday i'll stop doubting the loyalty of my friends. maybe someday i'll just be happy.
i'm getting closer. i'm at least acknowledging my absurdity while i'm in it; i knew i was jumping to inaccurate conclusions and that my fears were unrealistic. i just couldn't stop them, and therefore, i couldn't stop my actions or feelings either.
thankfully this time the target was a dear, marvelous and understanding friend. he just brushed off the awkwardness i tried to create and just said, "let's talk about it." we had a really nice chat after church. he was so kind and assured me that he enjoys our friendship "very much". he asked if it would help if he promised to tell me if he ever decided to stop being my friend. he promised he'd just tell me outright, and unless he did, i am to always remember and believe that we are friends. i've had guys promise that before, they promised they'd tell me before they went away...but they broke the promise...the difference in this case, though, is that it was his idea. i didn't beg him to promise, he just did. yeah, i think this is a good friendship that will last. he's like The Artist 2.0 or something; they both just laugh off my insecurity and reassure me that i'm fantastic and that my friendship is important to them. i adore them both and am so thankful for their friendship.
the one slight disappointment is that i don't think he's going to be my muse anymore. he is, however, a conduit to my future muse. he's making me a "mixed tape" of his opinion of the best lyricists. last week he had me listen to some of his favorites and told me to use them as my muse instead of him. i love it!
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