too far out...

Not Waving But Drowning
by Stevie Smith

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

yep, that's how i feel.  "too far out all my life, and not waving but drowning"
i wish someone, anyone, could see and understand...one of these days the cold, dark waves are going to overtake me.  but maybe that'll be better anyway...