something old...something new...

the next two weeks are going to be a little crazy.  i started my new job yesterday and it's going to be great! but! between the two jobs i'm going to have a lot of long hours.  tomorrow i'll leave home around 7:45am and i won't get home until at least 9:30pm.  i work at the bookstore every morning this week except Saturday and i work at the museum every day except Tuesday and Wednesday (if i remember my schedule correctly).  both managers are so great and willing to work with me on scheduling, which is nice.  i'm a little nervous that i'm getting too old for this kind of being so busy.  if there is any complication between the two jobs i'm afraid i'm going to have to quit the bookstore.  i've been toying with that idea anyway.  it's a lot of stress and hassle for such little pay that it's almost not worth it.  the museum will be a lot less stressful, more rewarding, and (i hope) will open the door to something closer to a full-time career.  on the other hand, i don't want to leave my dear, wonderful coworkers at the bookstore.  they have become great friends.  i hope that things won't be overwhelming or complicated and i'll just be able to work both jobs at least through the end of the year.

i have student loans and a little bit of credit card debt that i would like to pay off.  i have a few monthly bills and my trip to Boston.  between the two jobs i think i'll be able to take care of quite a bit of these financial strains and relieve some of the stress that has been overwhelming me.  i feel a little less stuck than i have been feeling for so long.  i hope this new job will help to provide some of the confidence and direction that i have been lacking the last few years.  the manager said she wants to utilize my writing skills.  i don't know for certain but it is possible that i was the only person she even interviewed for the position.  she told me that after receiving my resume she was so excited to meet me and seemed to want to hire me from the moment we met.  i hope i don't disappoint her expectations.  i don't know what to do with my life.  my goal has been to be a wife and mother, but since that doesn't seem to be in my immediate future, i've struggled to find a different goal.  i decided a few years ago that working for The Church would be my second choice, but i didn't know what i wanted to do or what department my particular talents and skills would benefit.  all i've ever really done is customer service but it is definitely not my passion.  artwork, writing/books, people...these are my passions and though customer service is part of the job description, my passions will be put to use as well.  i look forward to learning and growing and expanding my horizons.  i just hope i don't ruin things somehow.  i continually pray that Heavenly Father will make me equal to whatever tasks are placed before me. 

i don't know how much time i will have for socializing in the next few weeks or months, but i do hope that somewhere in the middle of getting lost in employment, i'll find a little friendship, and maybe a little romance...
i particularly really, really want some romance.  i'd like to get involved with a man who doesn't want to focus on, or even discuss the past.  i want to start with us, here and now, and move forward together.  somewhere down the line we can talk about where we've been, but i'm trying to focus on where i am and where i'm going.  i can't do anything about the past, it is what it is, i want to move and progress and stop feeling trapped or inhibited.  i've wasted too much of the present allowing myself to be stuck in the past.  i'm finally ready for something new.