unexpected

well, the job is mine.  i'm sure it will be great! right?  ok, i'm not sure.  this morning i had my mind made up that i wasn't going to take it if she ever got around to offering, but then when i saw the number flashing, answered the phone, and heard the words, i couldn't stop myself from accepting.  it's more money for doing basically what i've done for the last two and a half years.  i should be ecstatic! maybe when i've officially started...

i am grateful for this new opportunity.  i am grateful that i'll be able to pay off some of my debt and not have to stress quite so much about finances.  i am grateful that i will learn some new skills and meet new people.  i am grateful that i will learn more about the artwork of The Church.  i am grateful that i will be given opportunities to use my writing skills, refresh some Word skills, and learn some new computer programs. 


it's a step in the right direction.  i hope it is the open door i've been praying for.  i hope this will lead to something bigger and better than it currently appears.  i really need something good and progressive in my life.  at the very least it should give me enough money to go to Boston with the girls in September.  i'm a little nervous about working two jobs.  what will it do to my already diminishing social life?  what will it do to my already weary mind and body?  will the extra money be worth the time i don't get to spend with friends and family?  or will things work out to allow for that? 

i'm worrying too much.  this is the moment when a man who loves me would be particularly appreciated.  he could take me in his arms, hold me close and remind me that i'm strong enough and brave enough to accomplish anything, and that everything will be alright.  or, he doesn't even have to say anything...i just need someone to hold me for a while.  sigh.  i don't want to do this alone anymore.  but i don't have a choice.  so, i'll remind myself of the words i most need to hear.  i can do this.  i've worked two jobs before.  i've worked and gone to school.  i've accomplished plenty in my life and this is nothing compared with some.  and i've done it all basically on my own...well, Heavenly Father made it all possible and got me through it all.  but sometimes i wish Heavenly Father was here beside me, in the flesh, to hold me and help me through these anxious moments in that way.  but my ways are not His ways, and He knows best and all.  so there's purpose in all of this struggle to find a job, struggle to find happiness without companionship, struggle to make it through another day when i really wish i could just quit.  somehow He gets me through, and i'm grateful.

it's time for sleeping i suppose.  it's after midnight and i haven't been sleeping well recently so i'm particularly weary and rambling.  as always, thanks for listening/reading.   i hope this job is the first in a string of positive improvements and steps of progress in my life.  after all, it's about time some really good moments came around.