they DO exist!

i hung out with The Artist and D-Ham last night and tonight and i'm feeling much better about life. what dear, kind, wonderful men they are. the more i get to know D-Ham, the more i see what a decent man he is. i sometimes feel that care and protection when i'm with him, i feel safe and accepted. it's the same with The Artist and Will. i know i'm in good hands when i'm with them. i can be myself, whatever my true self is in that moment and i know they'll still like me and want to be with me. they are the very few men i actually do trust. i'm grateful for them this week because my faith in the goodness and reliability of man has taken a severe beating. i'm not grouchy anymore.

i'm sad that things couldn't have gone very differently with the other guy i've written about this week. he just makes me feel depressed,  irritated, agitated, and stressed. i guess that's my intuition telling me to let go. i made a mistake and i really hope i can avoid making the same mistake again. the answer is not to cut out all men from my life, it's to be more selective and really listen to my intuition. if i'm irritated, depressed, or in any way feel distressed about him, i need to just walk away, be it friendship or more. it felt ok for a while, then it went very wrong and i should have let go sooner. i'm not good at walking away from people i care about. i will always care. but he clearly doesn't care about me so i'm walking away.

ok, enough. i've gone over this enough. i look forward to seeing Will this week sometime. and, he's convinced me to read some poetry at an open mic night in a couple weeks. i need a new poem or two.  maybe after hanging out with him this week i'll be inspired. he is the greatest creative influence i've ever experienced in my life and i've missed him.

things are getting better. i'm stripping my life of the influences that bring me down and i'm trying to find more that lift me up. i have great friends and ample opportunities. i even have a couple days off this coming week so i'll be able to finish decompressing and actually do some of the things i haven't had time for recently. i'm gonna be ok.