Things are settling in for me. School is going well, I start my new job tomorrow, church is great, and I'm learning to control my thoughts and emotions so they don't control me. I've had trouble with the depression, anxiety, and paranoid - racetrack thoughts for quite some time now but it's getting better. Between my Family Studies classes, therapy, and the kindness of friends I'm learning better ways to cope and work through the difficult times.
It's been a long year and I've struggled through a lot, but I'm learning to fly again. My heart is mostly healed and I'm pretty much in the best place of my life thus far. I have kind and supportive people I can trust, so I'm opening up. I'm not bitter or angry or "wounded" anymore. I love my family and friends, and I'm learning to love myself.
About a month ago, the death of my friend BLT really shook me up. We weren't particularly close and I regretted my hesitation in being a better friend to him. I was born to love. I've always been a very loving and accepting person. My heart wants to give love to everyone in the world so that no one will ever feel sad or lonely or the desire to give up. I don't always know how to show it though, I don't always know how to express myself in a way that will be inviting instead of repellent. And the last couple of years I've been so wrapped up in my own need for love that I did a poor job of giving love to those around me.
Now I'm better; I'm done enough with taking care of myself that I'm now open and able to love others better. And I'm working on making up for lost time. I'm being happy and kind and loving. I'm being supportive and encouraging and affectionate. I'm making it about others instead of always focusing on myself. Because the world is a better place when we are more considerate and caring of others. I can't change the world, but I can change myself and I can affect the lives of those around me.
I just love...YOU! :)
Over the last few weeks I've been working on ridding myself of the obstacles that get in my way.
No comments:
Post a Comment