ready to try again

my heart has been on hiatus for about the last year. from the time i was very young i have always been what i call a "hopeful romantic" because i believe in romance and true love and all that other storybook junk. but life was determined to teach me otherwise. i lost hope in love and romance and even reciprocation of affection. i lost total hope in ever finding a man who would love me the way i deserve to be loved.

my heart is too big for it's own good. it wants to flood love and affection all over everything, which just doesn't fly with most of the world. as i was talking with Bestest Friend earlier today i mentioned that i was born to be a Grandmother. grandmothers can get away with things that no one else can. they can be sappy and sentimental, or silly and absurd or whatever and it's perfectly acceptable. yes, i've finally decided what i want to be when i grow up...that's right! i want to be a grandmother!

sorry, tangent. anyway, my heart's too big. most people my age get really uncomfortable when i'm "too nice" or compliment them too much; generally they think i'm being sarcastic and pointing out a fault. i'm really just being sincere and trying to let them know i think they're great! but in a society where so many of the messages sent our direction are intended to pull us down and tear us apart, people get really uncomfortable around genuine kindness.

in my opinion, we need more kindness in this world...

i'm really rambling tonight, can't stay on topic. ok, back to the original point.

it's time. i'm ready to try dating again. i'm ready to regain my hopeful romanticism and allow myself to believe that good men exist, and that somewhere out there is a man who will get me and think i'm adorable enough to spend the rest of eternity being in love with me.

i no longer cringe at the thought of being held or kissed. i no longer have an anxiety attack when guys talk to me or flirt with me. i no longer respond to the question, "how's your love life?" with, "we don't talk about that". Instead, the response is, "it's been dormant, but i'm ready to wake it up and let it sizzle!"

so come, eligible young-ish men, i'm no longer a shrew, so ask me out! i won't hurt you ;-) let's have some fun!