A Happy Birthday

I was really not excited about my birthday this year. Something about it being the last year of my 20's really cast a cloud over the event. I didn't want a big party, I didn't want a big fuss. But I didn't want to be alone either.

By the time I got on the train to come home from school I was feeling pretty glum. The cold, gloomy rain was partially at fault, but also, my thoughts were turning against me. In an attempt to not get my hopes up I tried to convince myself that everyone I had asked to come over last night would bail on me. No or low expectation means lower disappointment, right?

Bestest Friend and Ellie Belle came around 3:30pm. It's been a couple weeks since we've had a chance to sit and talk, and it was nice that Ellie Belle wasn't "outraged baby" for the first time in months. Bestest Friend is so strong and dignified that I sometimes forget that she struggles too. As I told her of the darkness I've been struggling with since spring break, she said, "Why don't you call me when you get like that? You need to call me...because I'm probably there too and I'm wishing you would call me. I need you too." She's married and has a baby and a job and I don't want to burden her with my troubles...but she says I'm not a burden, she says she wants me to call so we can unburden each other. I miss her more than I've ever missed almost anyone else in my life. She's the one who gets me. She's the one who knows everything and yet still tells me to call her w
hen I get into the darkness...she knows how dark it gets and yet, she wants to hold my hand through it. I'm so grateful for my Bestest Friends...so often through the years she's been the thought that keeps me hanging on when all I want to do it let go and give up. She's my sanity and my saving
grace.

Bestest Friend and Elle Belle had to go home around 5:30pm. I knew they wouldn't be available all night on my birthday so I made a backup plan for getting me through. About three weeks ago I asked Gonzo if he would make me his plans for the 24th. He was the one I most wanted because it is impossible for me to be depressed when I'm with him. At first I thought of making it just the two of us but then I decided I wanted a few others around too. I didn't want anything big. I didn't want to invite everyone I know and make it some huge ordeal that I would get lost and drown out in. So I thought about the people I feel most comfortable with. I thought about the people who really care about me. I thought about the people I know love me just because I'm me. I thought of the people who make me happy.



I told The Artist, HeyPay and Chelle they were "required". Niffer and Pacman were next to be invited. Pola and Pants, Page. Turner and Bob were invited but didn't make it. Interestingly enough, it was the last minute addition that really made the night so much better than I could have imagined. (He's taking the picture).


We'll call him Fozzy Bear (wocka wocka). At first he seems like some random outrageously spectacular comic relief type of guy. He's fairly new to the 47th ward but he's been coming to ward prayer and FHE so we've been in the process of bonding over the last month or so. We were going to go camping this weekend with Gonzo and a few others but I have to work so Fozzy rescheduled the outing for a few weeks from now so I can go too.

He showed up at my house last night carrying a bouquet of multi-colored daisies. He said every girl should have flowers on her birthday! HeyPay brought me white roses too! I was secretly hoping someone would give me flowers. White roses and rainbow daisies were perfect!

I decided I wanted to make dinner. I wanted to serve and to show my friends how much I appreciate them. From the Greek Festival last year I got a recipe for Greek Chicken. So I made that with lemon rice and salad. It turned out really well and there were no leftovers. Gonzo, Pola and Pants were late getting there and all the food was gone by the time they got there.


When Fozzy realized that I had made dinner on my birthday, he kinda yelled at me a little. He said I should have told him to bring food, that you shouldn't have to do anything on your birthday. Every time I started doing anything (cleaning up, getting the cookies for dessert, taking pictures) he told me loudly and sternly to sit down and let him or someone else do it. He also made me be in some pictures. He said I had to be in my own birthday pictures. I've never had someone be so delightfully bossy to me before. It made me feel special that he would be so insistent that I not do anything except enjoy my birthday!

Gonzo decided that salad was not enough food for him so he and Fozzy went to the store to get some snackage and brownie mix. When they got back Gonzo handed me the newest CD by The Decemberists, The King is Dead, and told me happy birthday. I was not expecting gifts of any sort (just being with friends was all I wanted), but flowers and that CD were the best gifts, they were thoughtful and "me". Gonzo made the brownies (my favorite treat) and then we played cards (something I was hoping to do anyway). I'm really good at organizing things, bringing people together and such, but I'm not so good figuring out what to do once everyone is assembled. Back in the day of Frogkisser and Hollyoak I provided the location (since the college is practically in my backyard, and then they took over form there. One thing I already love about Fozzy is that he's a doer. He organized a Muppet party for Saturday night and he's planning camp outs and all sorts of things. I can spread the word and he does the rest.

Besides playing cards, we watched some youtube videos and just kinda hung out and talked for a while. Then I had asked The Artist to bring the drawings he's been working on. Gonzo stopped in the pink room to play the piano for a minute and so The Artist and I sat there to look at the drawings while he played. Everyone else came in within minutes. Niffer and Pacman left, and Fozzy decided it was time for my other birthday present. A couple weeks ago after the ward talent show he demonstrated his talent as a fire eater. He went outside with HeyPay, Gonzo and Pola while I finished looking at The Artist's drawings. Then I went outside when Gonzo came back in and said that HeyPay was going to try eating fire too. It's a very exciting thing to watch, and I'm so impressed that Fozzy, Gonzo, HeyPay and Pola all did it...I couldn't get up my courage to do it yet though. I figured getting burned on my birthday wasn't the greatest idea.

All in all, it turned out to be one of the best birthdays I've ever had. The only one that even comes close is my 22nd birthday back in 2004...that was the last time most of my friends from the SLCC era were all together. That birthday was a week-long party with some of the dearest people I've ever known. Thinking back, I miss them all so much. I am, however, grateful for the new friends I have who made this year second best (if not tied for first) birthday of all time.

I am so grateful for all the dear friends I have had and for the ones I have now...as well as the ones I know will come in the future. I am grateful that I could celebrate my birthday with people who always make me feel loved and wanted. I love them all so much! :) If I have to continue being single, at least I'm in good company. At least we can travel the road together so none of us have to worry about making it alone.