remind me

today was one of those days i just needed to be reminded i'm not alone, this is all part of the plan, the hurt and loneliness won't last forever...someday i'll see the purpose...someday i'll be loved...

i didn't get what i needed today. all i wanted was a little compassion, a little sincerity, a little tenderness...instead i felt ignored, pointless, unseen, patronized, a waste of space and time and effort...and completely unloved and unwanted. it would have been better if i could have stayed in bed and pretended i didn't exist...today i wish i didn't exist because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

but, despite how i feel right now, i need to remember (and remind myself since no one else seems to care enough to see how much i need help) that it's going to get better. life is stressful and overwhelming and it hurts and it's scary and i don't know how to make it through another second on my own...but i can, and i will...i don't have any other choice. so i'll do my best to accept that i'm alone, and i may be alone and without love for quite a while longer.

i wish someone would see me, really hear me, and care enough to do whatever it takes (despite all boundaries and obstacles) that they're willing to fight for me. no one has ever fought for me and i don't know how much longer i can keep fighting on my own.

remind me why i need to keep trying...remind me why i can't just give up and take up permanent residence in my bed with the dark curtains pulled tight.  remind me why i should hope that love exists for me. remind me...