need

a kind friend invited me to the What Women Want expo at Southtown tonight. i think her motives were good but she clearly doesn't know me at all so instead of helping, it kinda just added to my stress. expos are crowded and loud and overrun with pushy sales people, three things i can't stand. i didn't go for me, i went because she was being nice and i thought she wanted to go but not alone. turns out, her husband's mother and sister were there too...they met up with us and i felt even more out of place and in the way.

when Photo text me and asked what i was doing tonight i hoped he would want to hang out with me. i really needed some one on one face time with a friend. but that was not the case. he's been really sick and busy so i haven't really had much time with him. i really haven't had time with anyone. no one has time for me and i have too much time. i really need a friend, someone who really cares to listen and be there. it's not just a want, this is a need...but how do i fill such a need for myself? no one else is willing...those who may think themselves willing won't make the time. i don't want to be a bother or a burden. i'm burned out being too nice, giving way more to everyone than i ever get in return. i don 't know what to do. i don't know where to turn. i don't know how to either fill or disregard the need i feel so keenly. i just don't know what to do.