05 May 2011

Get out your pliers

Bestest Friend used to have the hardest time getting me to talk about what was really on my mind. We would sit for long periods of time while I tangented and changed the subject, got her to talk about herself, or just waited for her to decide she was too tired and go to bed. Eventually she started saying, "Do I need to get my pliers?" so she could pry out of me whatever was bothering me. I'm stubborn, though, and I do fairly well with keeping inside whatever I'm not sure I want to talk about.

A couple weeks ago Fozzy noticed something was bothering me. He tried really hard to get me to talk to him but I couldn't. Luckily Hey Pay showed up to watch a movie with us and I was off the hook. I told him I don't talk, I listen. He hasn't tried to get me to talk since...though I kind of wish he would. But he's not really a listener...maybe he would be if I gave him a chance.

I want to talk to someone. I want to confide in someone about the things that have been on my mind recently, but I still don't trust people (guys or girls) after being burned so many times. Even Bestest Friend is difficult to talk to these days. She has her baby girl now who takes up most of her attention. I'm doing my best to self-contain, but everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes.

It would be nice to go back to the days of sitting on Bestest Friend's backyard swing in the middle of the night, just swinging and talking. But she lives in a different house now, her pliers have been lost in all her moving about...I have my own swing now, if only I could find someone with a new pair of pliers to sit and talk with me. Maybe someday I'll find my voice again...

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