it was largely my fault. he didn't let me help and barely talked to me all week because he was being considerate of what he thought was my feelings. i had changed my mind, but evidently didn't explain that to him. so it was all a big misunderstanding initiated my things i said. my stupid fear and selfishness. i'm so sorry dearest.
from this i have learned that i need to be more brave...and perceptive of how he receives things i say and do. also that prolonged silence is an indication that i need to make him talk to me until i understand what he's not wanting to say. and, he is a good man, though we both need to work on our communication.
something else i discovered is that i do love him and i don't like being without him. that scares me. like i said, being alone is easier...but i don't want to be alone, even if it is easier. so, as usual, i don't know what to do. sigh
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