Where I Need to Be

So far the semester is going well. My Adult Development class has given me particular encouragement and reassurance that I am where I need to be. It's going to be one of my most overwhelming classes, but I really like the teacher and the subject matter is just what I need to hear right now.

My Family Processes class is going to be pretty crazy too (I have group projects in both...I'm not a big fan of group projects, but my groups seem to be pretty good so maybe it won't be so bad). I really like this professor as well, I took his Marriage class last semester. My one fear is his tests. I got a B in his class last semester because he has a ton of listing on his tests and I'm not so good with memorizing long lists of things.

My third class is Classical Literature, which I am totally loving! We've been reading The Iliad. It's such beautiful language (even the violence is dripping with poetic imagery). The professor is interesting. I don't think the papers will be too difficult. I have already gotten one back 90/100, not bad. This second paper should be better since I now know what he expects. My one concern about this class is that Greek and Roman literature (the subject matter for the course) is loaded with sex and violence. Thankfully, the professor is mature about it and treats these topics delicately, not dwelling on them too much.

My last class is a once-a-week night class. Wednesdays are my very, very long days. I am at Weber from 9:30am to about 8:15pm. The first week of class I took my regular commute on UTA. I didn't get home until after 11pm...too long! This week I drove to Ogden and got home around 9:15pm; still long, but much better. This class is my Poetry Writing class. The teacher is retired so he's an adjunct professor. He teaches because he loves poetry and he loves teaching. I think he's getting a little senile though because he's completely NUTS! It's fun. He spent 10 minutes yesterday describing how he eats a 12 piece bucket of KFC chicken. It was so funny that the girl next to me was wiping away tears. I think I'm going to love this class. I just need to make myself write some poetry. Our first poem was due yesterday and I had to use an old one because I couldn't complete a new one. I started a couple...

I know beyond a doubt that school is where I need to be and what I need to be focusing on right now. It's okay that I haven't found a job yet (nothing is working out, no matter where I apply or how many times I call for interviews, so it seems it's just not time), I'll figure it out when it's right. It's also okay that I'm not dating right now. I'm not even interested in anyone, which is actually kind of great! I'm content with my friends and family for now. It's nice that I don't have anyone to coordinate my life with, since I'm having a little trouble just coordinating with myself.

Nothing much is making sense in my life right now; probably because I'm fighting against the truth because it's different than the general consensus of others. But my life has never gone "according to plan" in the regular "normal" course of things. I'm different and for reasons I hope to one day understand, my life has gone according to someone's plan. With the exception of the SW phase, my Cedar City escapade, and Bobpi (all directly related to each other and I'm still not sure why those were necessary moments of my life), I know that I needed to be in each of the places and phases I've been in. I think SW was a detour I wasn't intended to take and therefore has led to a whole lot of complication that could have been avoided. On the other hand, perhaps it was what was necessary to get me to make some major changes in my life. I don't know.

Anyway, I digress. I know that school is the right place for me to be. I'm looking for a job that will be a good fit through the end of my degree. I'm thinking of finding a different ward for church. I've been in this place too long and I just don't feel needed or wanted; and I don't feel like I'm progressing at all. I feel stuck at church and I don't like it. I don't want to stay, but I'm afraid to try to leave. I just don't know what to do. The Artist said he visited a singles ward for those 25-35 years old, he said it seemed promising. Maybe I should try that. I just don't know.

So, I'll focus on what I do know. School. School is good. School is where I need to be.