only always you

searching for you everywhere, every day
hoping each moment will be the one
bringing you and me to share the same space
catching glimpses of you in the face or word
of some other body or story leaves me
stunned and spinning, wishing anew
for only always you

dear friend, what's taking you so long to find
this other half of yourself, lost in me?
do you feel the empty aching waiting?
it distracts me from movement and purpose
you are my only legitimate source or guide
leading me into life, full and true
with only always you

you'll hear me, see me, feel me, free me
show me how to be whole and healed
instead of dark and twisty, too afraid to move
just that look in your eye, touch of your hand,
the strength of your tender fingers entwined
i need the quiet confidence that settles like dew
brought by only always you

intollerably long days and restless nights leave me
wondering if you're any more than an elusive dream
beating heart and wispy spirit hovering between
gauzy curtains of fear, doubt, relentless enduring hope
constantly reaching, wishing, aching, waiting
for the bright and beaming, ever gleaming sky of blue
painted by only always you

well, it's not great, but it's something...
i just wish i could write a poem that's happy and fulfilling instead of always so packed with longing and sadness. someday maybe. this poem is not necessarily written for that ever elusive love of my life...but possibly for that ever elusive best friend or soul twin...that person who knows me, sees even what i hide (and loves me anyway), helps me be the best and bravest i can be...and always says the right thing in just the right moment. i miss this friend as though i knew him once upon another place and time, but we lost each other somehow. sigh, i guess it's probably just a futile and childish hope in a ridiculous ideal...
i just wish i could shake the ever present feeling that part of me is missing.