Love is Just Love

Bestest Friend called me this afternoon and we talked for about an hour. I miss her so much. We just don't get to share time together as much as we used to now that she's married and living in another town. She's irreplaceable and it's taken a whole community to ease the ache I feel without her. She's my confidant, the one person who knows me as well as (if not better than) I know myself. If all trace of me was erased, she would still remember me...and she has a strong and long memory. I miss walking (or dancing) around the neighborhood in the middle of the night with her, just talking about anything and everything. Life is strange how it evolves and changes and leads us to various different paths. And yet, she's still there if I really need her.

I mentioned the "community" that is filling in where Bestest Friend is unavailable. I'm not creative with nicknames these days so I'll just list a few first names.

The Artist, first and foremost...he's been my dearest friend, holding me together, keeping me active in life and society.

Em, my dear friend, has been available for panic moments to listen and talk me through it. She's been there to encourage me and spend time with me.

My long distance friend Anneliese has been a great comfort and encouragement. It's fun to make new friends in such an unconventional manner. I love that we are friends!

Little Sister, Shygirl, Shannon and Niv and Rachelle have been pretty good listeners. They let me ramble and rant when I need to work things out.

The Williams Sisters, Jake, and Heather have provided great distraction, along with offers of protection...I like that they are protective of me, it's nice to feel taken care of.

Mr. Mechanic has also provided some nice distraction...and he's a hugger! No lingering embraces or deep conversations yet, but we're becoming friends and I'm hopeful that we'll be close once I figure out how to drop my guard and be myself. For now, at least my mind is eased to know that I have a friend who is willing to help me out with my car!

Mr. Music still makes my heart flutter and gives me someone to daydream about.

There are others too, but those are the main ones at the moment. For so long Bestest Friend was my one solace, my only comfort and sanity. Now I have many friends who don't even realize how much they save my life day to day. I have confidants, playfellows, crushes, distractions, comforters, happy thoughts, and opportunities to serve.

I'm content. There are things I wish I could change but for now I am content. I'm still working on building my confidence and discovering my strengths. It irritates me that I'm not consistantly stronger right now. It bugs me that I can't seem to find my inner peace and dignity to help me to shine from the inside out. It's a struggle every day to get out of bed and try another day. I'm tired and sometimes I wake up sad for no good reason at all. Little Sister waits for me at the train station in the mornings and I know I'll see at least one or two friends each day...and that's what gets me up and paints a smile on my face. It's a mask at first but then as I surround myself with people I adore the sincerity sinks in and permeates my soul.

I'm happy much of the time. Now and then I start to panic and fear that the good times won't last and my new friends will decide they don't really love me or don't really want to be around me anymore. I have to fight those lies away and remind myself to be happy now, live in the moment and not give in to the fear of loss that the future may or may not bring.

Right now I have friends and family I love and who love me. They just love me. That's why friends are so important to me. They make life worthwhile. Some people can live for work or school or whatever else...I can't live for anything except loving and sharing life with people.

Love is just love. It doesn't have to be big or extravagant...it's a conversation, a hug, time spent together, a smile, a text or email or a comment. Love is just being there with an open heart and open arms.

My dear friends, to you I say, "I just love you"