This week I've been in somewhat of a coping moment. I've been running, keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to think. Yesterday morning I didn't have anything to do so the dam burst (enhanced by the dream I had the night before) and all the thoughts I've been keeping at bay flooded through. When I'm not alone I do a good job of hiding what's inside but when I have a few moments to myself, my brain kicks into gear and the tears track my cheeks.
Today I looked good! I bought a sweet red top and wore my cream skirt with the flower patterns, very spring/Valentines-ish. Mr. Music was sick so my hopes of salvaging "singles awareness day" seemed to be crushed but then something brilliant happened! The guys in my ward came in at the end of Relief Society and gave each girl a rose! So, even though I don't have a Valentine this year, I didn't miss out on all the sweetness.
A single rose always means more to me than a bouquet. I don't know why...I think it feels more poetic (not to mention it's less expensive). A rose clipped from a rosebush is perfect! I'm not a big fan of red roses. The rose I was given today is white with pink edges. It's my second favorite flower. Sterling Roses are my favorite!
After church we had a mingle with candy and heart-shaped cookies. I'm getting to know so many people in the ward and I currently have a lot of friends...I'm part of a group again and it is so delightful! They brighten my life and make it easier to forget my troubles and just be happy. They are a great source of distraction and comfort. We stayed for a couple hours after church and just talked and laughed a lot.
After being home for a few hours I started feeling a little down (I had time to think again). I turned on some particular episodes of Grey's Anatomy because I knew they would bring the tears I ached to cry. I didn't wallow for too long, just long enough to relieve some of the pressure that's been building up in my chest.
Right around 8pm I got a text from "The Mexican" (it's what he calls himself and likes us to call him so don't think I'm racist). He made me smile! We met up at ward prayer and he made me smile more. I had a great time talking with various members in my ward. I mostly talked with the girls. They sort of flocked around me at one point. I was sitting on one of the cushy couches with one girl beside me and four others around me on the floor. One of the guys asked if it was story time (it looked that way).
After ward prayer a group of us went back to my house and watched Michael Jackson music videos. I have always loved Michael Jackson's music and dancing (most of it). The Mexican and The Artist were the guys and then there were three other girls besides me. Nice, fun little assembly. The Mexican had given two of the girls a ride over so when it was over he was to take them back to their cars at the institute a block or so away. He asked if I wanted to go along so I could ride in his car and listen to some Michael Buble'...and to hear him sing along. I went and it was nice to have a moment alone with him. I don't know him incredibly well but we've become friendly over the last couple of weeks. He's an interesting fellow and he makes me smile.
I'm becoming disenchanted with Mr. Music...his lack of overt interest is somewhat discouraging so I am putting him on the back burner for now. Maybe The Mexican can serve my soul a little better for now. He's fun and said he dances in supermarkets so we get along rather well. He went dancing with us on Friday and he can boogie with the best of us! Quite a delightful friend.
My friends mean more to me than almost anything. People are what matter. People are what make life worthwhile and friends are the ones who keep you afloat when the waters are rising and you lose your strength to swim. Various friends have gotten me through all my most difficult moments in life. When I couldn't trust or count on family members, my friends were what kept me going. Thanks to those of you who have been a friend and stood by me. I appreciate your kindness and love and I am so grateful for your influence in my life.
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