My heart is full. There are so many things I want to say that I can't say. I don't have the power to help everyone who needs help. I have so many friends who seem to be lost, drifting, or simply aching for something I don't know how to give. They don't want it from me. Even if I have what they need, I'm not the package they want to recieve it from.
We all have things to give. We all have needs to be filled. But what happens when there's no one who will recieve what we need to give, and no one to give what we need? I feel so mismatched today...out of place and invisible. I feel like none of my words are affective, like everything I say, any love or encouragement I try to give deflates and fizzles out between me and the would-be recipient.
I guess I'm feeling pretty inaffective all around these days. I'm in school, working toward an illusive goal. I have a bunch of shallow friendships...I feel very few true connections...and mostly I feel like I'm giving everything I have (which I don't mind if it helps them), but none of my needs are being filled. I'm not needy, it's just the normal stuff that everyone needs. Where is the balance? Where is the wellspring? I'm looking in all the right places...where is my solace, my encouragement, my relief?
I need a hug. I want someone tall and broad (so I can feel enveloped and safe in his arms) to go out of his way to notice me, acknowledge the sadness I can't seem to eliminate from my eyes, and hold me until I rest. Just for a moment, long enough to restore my determination and my resolve. But none of the guys I know seem to have that sort of compassion or empathy. None of them have that strength and goodness. So what do I do? Where do I find what I need?
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