while waiting for my tea

I wanted to know my purpose, why I'm stuck in this phase and what I'm supposed to do while I'm here. The answer I got was the same I've been getting for months; serve, love, lift. There are people who need me, need my love, my experience, my strength, my compassion and empathy. There are people who need me to need them. I don't really understand it all, but I know for whatever purpose, this is where I am meant to be. This is where He wants me and what He wants me to be doing. It's a little discouraging at times because I want to be "over there" and moving on out of this phase...but it's not the right time. I need to be patient and humble and just do my part, making the most of where I am now and stop worrying about what's beyond the next hill or mountain...

What matters is here and now...what matters is the people in my current sphere of influence. Some will stay for a while. Some are simply passing through (and I'm learning to let them, I'm learning to not hold on so tight). I'm learning that love doesn't always mean they will be right here, beside me forever. Sometimes it's only meant to be a moment...and that's ok. Bestest Friend is an Always Friend. Shygirl is too. I'm beginning to think The Artist is as well, but that may change at some point...I hope not but if it does, it'll be ok.

In 15 minutes it's my birthday. I'll be 28 years old. I don't feel it. I don't act it. No one believes it, so maybe I'll fib a little and say I'm only 24 or 25. No, I'll own my age. I am 28 and it's ok. That just means I have 28 years of experience to claim. I hope with that age has come wisdom, at least little bits here and there. I feel wiser today than I was last year or the year before. I know myself better. I know better who I am and what I want. Not completely perhaps, but identity is somewhat of a life-long pursuit. We are ever evolving, ever learning and growing and becoming better (we hope). I speak more kindly and more softly now than I did. I smile more and relax more. I don't worry so much and I enjoy life and friendships better than I used to. I'm not depressed as often and when I am I can usually pull myself out of it, or I know who to call to help me get back up. I think I'm better today than I was yesterday, and tomorrow I'll be a little better than today.

My tea is ready now and I really need to go to bed. I skipped class yesterday because I've been ill and even though I still feel pretty lousy I can't miss another day. Maybe it won't be so bad tomorrow...