25 November 2009

Holidays are Joyful

The holidays tend to encourage a reminiscent spirit. Today I thought about Thanksgivings past and realized that this year is the first in five years that I am not "involved" with someone...

My sister and her family are spending the day with her in-laws. My parents, and my brother and his wife will be here much of the day and for the feast...but after dinner my brother and sister-in-law are going to spend time with her family and my parents are going to the Jazz game. Shygirl will be with her parents, Bestest Friend with her in-laws, the Artist with his family, as will all others. So, I guess I will spend the holiday hanging out with myself.

It's ok though. I like myself these days and that's something to be grateful for. I'll probably continue my Sandra Bullock movie marathon and work on my homework.

It's hard to believe next week is the end of the semester. It has gone by so fast. I think it's a tender mercy. The last few months would have been a lot more difficult if it felt eternal. It's a lot easier to believe in "this too shall pass" when the days blur with the speed of light. This entire year has been rather intense. I've done an about-face from where I was last year. 180 degree difference. I'm content.

The holidays are often difficult for those of us who are painfully aware of our singularity. My older and younger siblings are married, leaving me the odd one out at family gatherings...or otherwise. But I'm ok with it this year. I'm content to spend the rest of the year finishing my transition and finding my lasting peace. I've gained great strength of character this year. Next year will be a year of building anew and I want to make sure the foundation is firm and functional. I look forward to many blessings and new experiences in 2010.

I've decided to stop dwelling in the past. If I've learned anything from my Creative Non-fiction class this semester it is that I no longer want to write about where I've been and what I've been through, I'm so tired of constantly rehashing my heartaches, defects and disappointments. From now on I am writing for the moment and for the future. That is where hope comes into play.

I was told once that I need to "have love in [my] heart and hope in the future," I haven't done so well with those concepts over the last few years, I've been broken, bitter and angry, depressed and afraid. NO MORE! Peace, love, faith and hope is my new mantra. I guess I should add trust and patience in there as well. Those are the main virtues this year has taught me...or is trying to teach me. :-) As I said, next year will be much better.

So I'll enjoy my Thanksgiving and look forward to Christmas...my Gramma and Uncle will be here for Christmas! That's the greatest joy I can ask for! My dearest Uncle has always been one of my very favorite people. I can't explain it, he's just one of the few people who have made his way into the very deepest place in my soul. He's been a near stranger most of my life, drifting in and out over the years so I'm grateful that he's made a habit of coming for Christmas. He's what makes my Christmas joyful!

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