Smile

The curls got a little out of control this morning. I'm not really sure what happened differently than last time but somehow my hair would not cooperate today. It was ok, I just decided to own it and make it work anyway.

I wore my new favorite outfit: the black skirt and the cute blue top...and a genuinely delighted smile. I've taken to smiling at everyone these days. I look them in the eye (as much as possible) and I smile. My hope is that they will smile too and their day will be a little bit better. And it's easier to remember to be happy that way too.

Ward choir was fun. We're singing Christmas music, my favorite time of year to be in choir! The ward choir director is intriguing to me. He's rather odd...he likes to dance around a bit and I noticed to day that he sort of has a tendency to talk to himself (and laugh at things that are going on in his head) while he's conducting. Very much like myself actually. I'm always thinking of strange things and then laughing at myself for the silliness of it all.

In Anne of Green Gables there is a part when the nasty school principle is talking with Anne and she says bitterly, "You always have some secret delight, don't you?" I love this! For a while in high school I had a secret delight; a happy thought, if you will, that when life got tough I visited in my mind and smiled to myself, lifted my spirits in a way nothing else could. I need to find that again.

That's my new quest: to find my happy thought, my secret delight! Or a few, just in case one doesn't work for a particular situation I'll have a back up.

I'm out of the transition phase, I'm moving through the turning point and I'm heading into the phenominal! I've paid the price. I've kept the course. Even when it seems I turned away, I was still on the path I was meant to tread. "Mistakes" lead to learning, growth and strength and prove my ability to fight through anything that is placed in my path...and win. I am strong and growing stronger with every trial. I have not been alone, there have been angels (some visible and mortal and some not). We're not meant to walk alone through this life. We have family and friends placed in our lives to walk with us for companionship and to lend aid when needed.

I have always been a friend to those who have few or none. I have always been the strong one that others lean on when they are not able to stand on their own. I love to be that person, especially for those I particularly love. I have had my moments of weakness in which I have required the aid of others, and there have been people there (some grudgingly at times, but they are there and I appreciate what they have been willing and able to give).

From the outside I can now see some of the purpose in the trials of my life. I have gained profound empathy and compassion that can not be understood except through experience. From the higher ground I have finally climbed to, I can look back and see where my blood has been shed in the moments of most intense struggle. But I can also see the strength and understanding that have come from those deepest sorrows and most painful experiences.

I still have a long way to go, we all do, the journey doesn't end until we die...and even then we are still blessed with the privilage of learning and growing and creating. My eyes are open and I see my potential. I don't know the specifics of what the future holds, but I now have hope in my heart that it's going to be pretty amazing! I'm excited to see what's next. :-)

I'm a believer. I'm a fighter. I'm a smiler. I'm a dreamer. I'm a Fantastic Funk!
And I'm not going to lose sight of that again.

Dear friends who read my blog, I'm here if you need me. I'll do my best to be uplifting and give you reasons to smile. I'm sorry this hasn't always been the most inspiring place but I'm working on improving my optimism now. I'm smiling for no particular reason! I challenge you to find a secret delight or happy thought. If you can't find one, let me know and I'll lend you mine for a while. Thanks for reading!