Stop...Don't stop!

I keep starting to write but then I stop. Haven't I written enough? I really write a lot sometimes and I really don't think that anyone wants to read half of what I write. If anyone does read, they probably skim rather than drinking in every word. Who really cares to read my ridiculous ramblings anyway? What good are they to anyone?

So why do I write? For the same reason I breathe: if I didn't, I would die.
Maybe not literally, but close.

I just really need to find better things to write. My friend told me a story about when she and her friend made a bet that they wouldn't eat any chocolate for like a month or something. She said she's not a writer but she wrote a poem during that time, some Ode to Chocolate because she missed it so much. As much as I love chocolate, I've never thought to write about it. Perhaps I should try. I'll write about chocolate and Dr. Pepper, ha! That would be funny.
I really need to write things from the lighter side of me. I promise I do have a lighter side. I know that most of what I write is heavy and deep and emotional and probably drags people down. Sorry about that. I've been trying to write lighter stuff here.

Mostly I write when things affect me deeply and I have to write them out in order to make sense of them or see their fullness. I also write when I'm lonely because words have always been so good at keeping me company. Even though I often feel like no one ever reads my blogs I still put myself here, maybe they do read and they just don't comment because they have nothing to say about what I've written...I don't know.

I hope someday I have something worthwhile to say so that people will benefit from my words.

I'm sorry if you think I'm wordy and awkward. Or if I make you uncomfortable by the soul I expose here, so publicly. I don't mean to offend or cause discomfort. A teacher I had once told me that "in order to truly connect with a reader you have to give a proverbial 'pound of flesh'; you have to expose your vulnerability and you have to speak the truth. People like to be disturbed sometimes, it's good for them. It shakes them up and helps them to see things in a different way." I don't know if he's right but I write what I write.

Feel free to comment on anything that I write. Even just a shout out to let me know if anyone is reading. I'll keep writing even if no one is reading, but I'd like to know...thanks friends :-) I'll be better at writing happy, fun stuff!